Is there such a thing as free time? I mean truly time to be free to be who you are, say what you feel and love like you want? I'm not sure anymore. After all I am only one thought away from my mental to do list. Why am I still sitting here painting anyways? There are real things that need to be done. And I'm pretty sure sitting on my porch and pondering my dreams isn't one of them either. But why is that? Why is daydreaming, creative pursuits and loving/laughing with family and friends relegated to the bottom of the day's list of priorities? Why do we have to put those things on hold until the daily checklist has been completed? Which of course means those truly wonderful, inspiring, life giving moments are squandered on a daily basis.
I am learning on a daily basis to let go. To surrender to life. To follow my soul's yearnings. And not my ego's demands for routine and maintaining the status quo. Sometimes I feel like I'm being led kicking and screaming. "Oh not again", I say to myself, "not now. I just want the comfort of this daily list of chores, then maybe some 'relaxation' time in front of the TV (that counts for family bonding time doesn't it?). Other days I feel freer than I thought was humanly possible. Expansive. Exuberant. Vital. ALIVE. Like an unbridled, wild horse. Or a pelican skimming the surface of the ocean.
And that is what keeps me going. My journey truly is my home. My life is always in flux, changing, but it is where my soul resides that counts. Running through the meadow like the horse. My free time matters more than I could possibly have imagined.
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