Love & Mystery

 February 19, 2011

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=6631954

Thank you Richard Rohr. His words succinctly describe my own spiritual journey.

Mystery. Ambiguity. Paradox. Awe. Abyss. God.

I understand from where he comes spiritually.

My own journey has brought me to the same place.

Amidst all the mysteriously, ambiguous, paradoxical awe peering over the abyss...I have found Peace.

Some may call this Peace...God.

The name is not important.

What is bursting forth from my heart is what counts.

Unconditional Love for all beings.

Isn't that the lesson we spend our lifetimes learning?

How. To. Love. Everyone.

Including ourselves?

Baby Steps to Becoming Me

February 18, 2011

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come.” ~ Joseph Campbell

All right. This quote grabbed me today, amongst all the quotes, affirmations and stories that crossed my path. Not sure completely why. But I decided to hold it for awhile. Hmm, I always say I'm ready to surrender to life. To let go of my attachments to outcomes. But always, always lurking just out of mental reach is fear. Fear of surrender. The what ifs, right?! My back-up plans have to have back-up plans!

But over the past few years I've untangled the messy, twisted neural network of thoughts and feelings that has kept me blocked my entire life. My childhood wounds and consequent childhood adaptations created habits of thought that became so entrenched that my adult life was never my own. That is sobering. To fully grasp that I have made decisions that have been based on keeping me from the vulnerability of expressing my truest self. Really hard to face. I have worked through a significant amount of grief to heal what I have lost all these years. Some days are better than others in terms of acceptance.  So I guess when I look at that quote and consciously reflect on my fears of surrendering the life I've planned...I'm okay with the 'what ifs'. The unknown.

That old skin that I've begun to shed wasn't really me anyways now was it.  No. But the open, honest, "let's be real" person writing this blog is me. Spontaneous, loving, accepting? Yep, that is me too. Admittedly, it is strange, um uncomfortable, to describe myself in positive terms. Feels good though.

 Is it a process? I guess so. I've shed the old skin but I haven't completely surrendered control of the life I've planned. I am well on the way...I think. But not there. At least I don't feel fear of the 'what ifs'. Baby steps.

Opening Up

February 2, 2011

"There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." ~ Anais Nin

I have recently begun to realize the deep desire I have to open myself up and BE who I am despite my fear that others may reject me...

I have been so humbled and yet encouraged by some amazing blogs I have stumbled upon the last few days.

I am in awe of the incredible women who are not afraid to show who they are...hopes, dreams, wounds and all. The stories are truthful, articulate and creative. So Beautiful!

...It has been so helpful to read the words/the stories...thank you...